Simple Things

Lately, I've been craving those moments where things are simple... where I don't have to spend money, where I can just enjoy the simple pleasures of being in nature. Yesterday, it was going to the beach, watching the small waves, smelling the salty air, and feeling the welcome sun on my skin. Today, it was finding a bench at a small park, hearing the wind blow through the tall trees, and watching the sun gently shine through the branches.

Thoughts on the Future

I know I'm kind of being a broken record, but it feels like things are falling into place right now and I'm so happy and grateful. All of these things coming up in my life - working, taking classes, job shadowing - are making me feel energized and excited, and I finally feel like I have more direction in my life. I can so easily compare this time of my life with my last years of college, and how much has changed for the better. I'm excited for the future, rather than apathetic, and I feel more connected with people, rather than isolated. I'm definitely feeling like my best self, and I know a lot has to do with circumstances, so I'm just trying to give thanks as often as I can. Life is filled with seasons, and right now, I feel like I'm in a rich, productive and happy one... like fruits blossoming on a tree, ripe and basking in the early summer sun.

Since I feel like I can envision my future more clearly, something I've been trying to figure out is how I want everything to fit, especially with traveling. Traveling is such an important part of my life... maybe because it's how I spent my childhoods, maybe it's because it's how I met Cody... but I think a large part is because it's the one time in my life where I define myself as being brave, rather than anxious and afraid. Traveling pushes me outside of my comfort zone, fills me with curiosity and enthusiasm for life, and helps me learn and grow. 

I'm afraid that as I settle down into a career path, life will get in the way and traveling will fade into the background... something that I'll do "someday" but never really do. I hear so many people say that traveling is so hard, near impossible, to do when you're older, and honestly, it makes sense... getting time off from work, finances, etc.

There are a few things I'm trying to remember, though. For one, I'm trying to remember that I can always prioritize traveling when I plan out my finances, and I can make certain sacrifices if it's what I really want to do. I also want to remember that there are so many ways to travel cheaply, as long as you do your research. I want to remember the concept of "slow traveling," how even if we don't have as much time to travel, we can move slowly and really soak things in, even if we can only stay at one place. And finally, I'm trying to remember that traveling is so much more of an attitude than anything... the attitude of having eyes open, being curious, and practicing being brave. Even if it's just a weekend camping trip, if I have the heart of traveling, then it can still help satisfy that craving. 

Compassion Meditation

I breathe in love for myself, breathe out

Love for you. How I wish I could pour my breath out

And give you ease, give you lightness,

Give you joy that shines like a firefly

Forever delighted by its own flight.

Looking Forward

I'm grateful that it feels like things are starting to fall into place. I'm hopeful about working a caregiving job and taking classes on the side, and I'm excited to take steps towards my desired career path. I'm also grateful to be surrounded by my loved ones, and to be reminded continually that I have such good people in my life. I wish I could go back in time, and show my senior-year-of-college self that I have all of this to look forward to!

What I Want You to Know

When my words fail me, when I hide

Behind walls, when I retreat

To the safety of my thoughts - 

I struggle to show you the love

That is always present in my heart,

That is always desiring to be expressed

But never thoroughly can.

And so I hope, in a place beyond words,

Beyond the awkwardness of my body,

Beyond what I struggle to show - 

That you can know, and trust,

My love. Like how the sunlight streams

Through the window to warm your face,

Or how to the rain quietly taps on the window

To soothe your fears - my love may be shown

In other forms, but I am always here,

Holding you tenderly in my arms.

Volunteer Park Conservatory

It was such a treat exploring the Volunteer Park Conservatory on this rainy Sunday with my loved ones. Nothing relaxes me more than humidity and the smell of flowers :)

Paper Cranes

Pockets filled with paper cranes -

So delicate, I try to walk slowly

To protect them. Don't tread too heavy,

 Or too far. I hear some crying,

Some laughing. My pockets

Weigh heavy as if by stones.

I go to the riverbank at dusk,

The water dark and whispering.

Grabbing the creased bodies in my hands,

I let them go, releasing them

To the moonlight.

Crumpled wings begin to flap, pit-pat,

Pit-pat. I watch as they fly away,

Leaving for the stars.

Welcome!

Hi there, and welcome to my blog! With all these changes going on in my life, I decided that I wanted a space where I could embrace the seasons of my life through a creative outlet. It is my hope that I will use this blog to write poetry and personal reflections, and to also post photographs of things I find inspiring. 

Well, like I said, this time of my life is filled with lots of change and uncertainty. From quitting my job, to traveling, to moving to a new place, to trying to put down some resemblance of roots... I've definitely been feeling lost, and just trying to make sense of things. Sometimes, life feels overwhelming and I lose my appetite due to fears, and at other times, I feel incredibly excited and hopeful. Most of all, though, I know that this time of my life is a blessing... I'm close to family, I have so many opportunities for growth at my fingertips, and I get to create a life for myself with my best friend by my side. 

My life is truly a blank canvas right now, but I'm still trying to decide how to paint it.

Recently, I've been thinking of a quote by Sylvia Plath, because I can relate to it so much, as I know so many of us can. 

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

The thing I'm trying to remember, is that there are so many paths to happiness. No matter which fig I choose, I can appreciate the beauty and nourish the love in my life. It's going to be okay.